The days of a man just pursuing his love interest, and her waiting for this to occur, have ended. Many women are active, if not aggressive in pursuing their needs and advocating for themselves. That said, passivity is still not sexy, and despite possessing the skill set to do so, most women do not want to be the pursuers. That leaves men facing the challenge of initiating, all while displaying confidence and swagger. It's not easy.
For both men and women the dating process can be challenging, in that you must cultivate a persona to meet and connect with other people and their cultivated dating personas. In order to make this process more likely to succeed, it is important to be honest and realistic as far as expectations.
1. Be honest about the traits that matter most to you, finding compatibility in the values and traits that you possess. While it is more than tempting to use physical attraction as your sole compass, true compatibility is not as simple as ranking a person on a scale of 1-10. Through looking closer and accepting our own deficits (being messy, lazy and unmotivated, moody, passive, or unwilling to socialize) we can also be honest about those traits and their compatibility to those traits of others.
Accepting our weaknesses can help us avoid pursuing incompatible matches, even though on the surface they look really appealing. Understand that ultimately the person we choose to be with, has to tolerate and accept who we are, not just who we pretend to be. This is an unfortunate pattern that can occur time and time again.
2. Once we have identified the type of person we CAN be with, we have to consider where to test this theory. Everyone has a different comfort zone regarding dating. For some, face-to-face meetings are fine and even preferable. For others, this prospect is terrifying, their preference being online interactions. Providing an opportunity to decrease initial anxiety and awkwardness as people get a chance to get to know one another more slowly. Understanding your initial comfort zone is important in making the choice that will be right for you. Don't be afraid to ask your date questions, it is far more effective than blubbering about your own accomplishment, and shows confidence to be able to flip the switch.
3. While there are assertive women that will take the lead, most see the responsibility to show the initial interest as belonging to the man. In pursuing her, he provides the symbolic gesture of flattery. Speak with female friends to better understand yourself, and ways others might possibly be perceiving you. This will give you the opportunity to shore up your blind spots, and improve you initial approach.
4. Being a wallflower is not helpful, even if for some, women are naturally coming to them. Understanding that you don't want to settle, and having a more clear picture of what you want, allows you to imagine the girl for you, and where she might be spending her time. Understanding who this imaginary perfect person is, allows you to match up areas of similarity between them and yourselves (interests, personality types), and this can allow for you to meet them in more comfortable situations, where you already confident.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8940327
No comments:
Post a Comment